it's never over.

I was looking over past entries, just trying to bring back memories. I came across a few that are completely relevant tonight.

Relationships.

Talking.

I can't talk. I can't explain. The words form but stop in my mouth. Instead of staying in a single file line, they scatter like kids at recess. I can't put them back together. It frustrates people, but not as much as it frustrates me. You have no idea how hard it is to want to say something that you can't actually say...all the time. So much goes unsaid, so much goes mis-read. It's a constant battle, a never-ending circle. I can barley stand to even write anymore because I can't even translate my feelings into words. I'm constantly turning inward, there's almost no room for progression anymore because I've pushed myself so far back. I can't tell you why I love my favorite book, or why I enjoy certain movies, I just do. It's the same with art. When I was a freshman I was never able to critique my work, tell you what worked and didn't work in the piece. I started learning and figuring out what to say, then I switched my major. Not having to critique my own work anymore I started communicating less. Now that I picked up photography and I'm starting to get serious about it, I'm starting to learn again how to critique my work. I hope I'm slowly starting to learn how to communicate again, to stop and think. Sometimes I think there's no hope. I wonder why I have friends, or why people are attracted to me at all, because I don't offer anything. I can listen. I ..............


I just need to stop and think.