it's never over.

Hell..o....Cass isn't Ravenous the best? Its such a great movie i love it. Anth im excited about your party...sounds fun :). Gosh my dad just called me and makes me feel so bad, he asked if my brother and i were coming up to his house this weekend and i said no it was our weekend at home, he thought we were coming up so he got mad/sad. Then that made me mad then i felt bad, I hate him sometimes. He's much more a friend than a parent. What should a parent be? A parent should be someone who sets examples for their children to follow, be someone for that child to talk to. With me i dont feel comfortable talking to either of my parents about things. I dont know why, so i have to resort to talking to my brother, and he dosn't listen so i dont really get to talk to anyone. Which is okay, even though i dont talk about my inner most important feelings in this online journal (im staring to feel more comfortable with it) i'll resort to a notebook journal or song writing. Which always helps.
This is what my name means :

Brandie:

You have a tendency to resist change. Don't miss opportunities for growth. You have a love of creature comforts, but must learn to handle money. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have a discriminating nature coupled with perseverance and family pride. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can be quite inventive and quite curious.

great...ummm I can handle my money...for now...lol...if i were to explain myself i dont know what i would say. Honestly I think if i were to say something i would have to say that i feel incredibly alone all the time even when I'm around my closest friends. I just want to go in a corner and stare at the wall. Im not a good speller when it comes to bigger words. I need a real in depth conversation about wrestling with someone...the ups, the downs, whats likeable about it, the science of moves and the never-ending maze that is Lita. I need to learn to skate better, and play the guitar better, not need, but want. I need to figure out whats going to happen to my life, where its going to end and where its going to begin. I need to paint. I need to sleep. I need a band. I need something other than homework every night. I need to stop caring about whether or not we'll have school the next day, but at this point i really have nothing else to care about. I'm an incredibly cautious driver. I'm sixteen years old, where do I go from here?