it's never over.

Patty makes me feel all warm and happy inside. Although I feel like a crazy teenster when I talk about him, he makes me smile.
I never thought my blog would become something people called me out on. I write in this to release anger and stress because I don't like real life confrontation. If I had a problem with you, and I had confidence and high self esteem, I would probably talk to you, but since I don't, I write in here. It may sound strange but when people talk to me about things that I write about in this blog, I feel like it's a massive invasion of my privacy, even though my blog is public. I expect that you read it, but I don't want you to talk to me about it. If I wanted you to directly know about anything that I write about, I would tell you, and sometimes I do. I feel that it's easier for me to type than to write in a real paper and pen journal, but sometimes I do that. I do that when I feel embarassed about things, or when I feel like I've talked about something too much and I that I should just keep it to myself. I want to feel like I have the freedom to write what I want too, that I don't have to limit myself because I might hurt someone's feelings. I spend too much of my time worrying about other people's feelings and how people percieve me because of something I said. I know that I should grow some balls and start telling people how I feel about them, but I hate when other people question me, I hate the tension that can come between two people. I wish people knew more about me, but I hate when they ask. There's so much I wish I could say.



What I have learned from college so far:

I have the slowest reaction time for comebacks...ever.
People are stupid, and don't think about things before they speak, especially when they're speaking to me, because they know that I wont say anything back to them.
A lot of people really only care about themselves, a lot of them don't show it, but you can figure it out over time.
Who my true friends are.
I have my feelings crushed very easily.
I have so much to say, I just can't put my thoughts into words.
I can't live with hundreds of women, I go crazy. I need to find a balance.
I can't handle the business side of anything.
I am a nice person, but I have a lot of anger that I don't show.